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Thu, Jul 25, 2002 6:08 PM
it's 2:30AM, and peaceful sleep is shattered by a series of piercing screams. i roll out of bed, grab my trusty weapon, which feels slightly cold to the touch, and tip-toe to the door. hearing what sounds like a grunt and possible violence, i draw in my breath, expecting the worst. i slide down the hall, moving gracefully with the walk of a professional - no, this isn't the first time i've been on a case like this, and i am armed to the gills. i reach the corner, hearing the noise just behind the door, and wonder if this time will be like the others, or if my number is up. i think briefly of my wife, my family, and the fact that i have to pee.

i fling open the door and blindly charge forward, head down, weapon outstretched. at first, i'm disoriented - it's dark, and i don't know this room as well as the rest of the house. i see a shadow, hear a moan, and i duck and roll. nearing the opposite wall, i catch my breath and count to 10, listening for danger - i hear nothing but heavy, menacing breathing, like the sound of a storm gathering strength. i gather my courage and, convinced that i've just got to do something, i leap up, extend my weapon, and thrust my bottle toward the baby.

kaya, with the seasoned moves of a nubile 6-week old, swats away the bottle on it's way down with her pudgy hands, and we struggle back and forth, with the bottle alternately pointing at her mouth, then towards my eye, then back to her. i begin to gain the upper hand, and the bottle heads towards her puckered lips, and then she suddenly emits a deadly wail. the bottle goes tumbling across the crib as we sprawl across the rubber sheet, and we look at each other, just for a moment, wondering who will make the first move. i dive for the bottle as she rolls out of her swaddle, hands and feet blazing with speed and cunning. i miss the bottle, catch an uppercut right heel to the chin, and crash into the crib walls, as sweat pours down my face into my pajama bottoms. i'm cornered, and kaya is about to make her move...the swaddle is off, the hands are up, the mouth is opening....

i catch something glistening out of the corner of my eye. quckly i lunge for the errant Winne-The-Pooh pacifier and plunge it, over and over again, into her mouth...it's her or me, and we struggle for what seems like an eternity, rolling over and over again in the swaddle, up and around the sleeping pontoons, and we rip through a burp cloth as we crash to the ground as the noise machine hightens the tension with it's steady crashing of the same damn wave over and over again..

just as i'm not sure how much longer i can stand it, i see an out - the fuzzy green guy on the mobile is coming into focus as it violently swings in it's never-ending circle. i grab green guy's outstretched leg and am immediately lifted off my feet...flying high over kaya down below, i briefly think of how beautiful the world looks from this high perch...but no sooner than the thought begins, the green buy begins to descend, and the wind rips through my hair as i head towards my maker. i see kaya rearing up, back arched, mouth reaching maximum diameter, deep in the midst of the dreaded 'silent scream'. reaching out, i flip the bottle up from the ground with my left foot, grab it as it tumbles through mid-air, and plunge it deep into kaya's disgestive tract just as her silent scream turns fatal.

with a big gulp, she begins sucking, and we settle in a little late-night feed. she knocks back a good 4 ounces in no time. she's drunk on life, but, for now, the world is safe from her wrath.

it's nary a 1/2 hour later that i find myself packing up my weapon, a drop of errant breast milk glimmering off it's barrel, reminding me of this epic struggle. i wipe up the drop, slip out the door, and quietly tip-toe back to bed.

i think of what a close call this was, and i wonder what i would have done had fate not dealt me a winning hand. alas, this time i emerged the victor...but tune in tomorrow for the sequel.

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Tue, Jul 23, 2002 6:08 PM
things my daughter can do:

1) smile!
2) turn her head to follow your voice.
3) poop in large quantities.
4) grasp her pacifier and put it in her mouth (well, this one could be a coincidence).
5) cry. unfortunately. usually between 3-8AM.
6) snore!
7) look really darn cute...until you go to take a picture.

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Mon, Jul 22, 2002 6:09 PM
the good, the bad, and the ugly. the last few days in a nutshell:

i had a meeting in Sunnyvale, so the whole family (well, all three of us) piled into the station wagon and headed for route 5. the way up was pretty smooth - minus a one-hour boobfest at one of the finer Taco Bell's near Coalinga - and we arrived at the Clift Hotel in time for a nap before dinner. now, for those of you who don't know, the Clift is quite the trendy, hipster place (well, for SF at least), and there was something definitely odd about handing our stroller, diaper bag and Baby Bjorn to the black-suited, earpiece-wearing doorman. had a wonderful, if slightly fussy, dinner with some wonderful friends and headed back to the hotel.

i had one of my favorite moments with kaya the next morning...she was a bit fussy, so i packed her into the Bjorn and set off for a stroll around Union Square. i do miss san francisco, and wandering the streets with my daughter was more meaningful than i could have imagined, as i've longed for someone to explore SF's corners with me...granted, she was sleeping, but i had enough fun for us both. then we headed over to Slanted Door for lunch with kara and brian and maddie, who could kick kaya's ass in a second if she wanted to.

the way back down the 5 was as eventful as the way up...an extra hour to the trip for boobage, but otherwise ok...

grandma, no wait, "my mom", was over on sunday and found a new little trick of kaya's: the smile. it's broad and it's cute and it lights up her face. more importantly, it's a response, a sign that intelligent life exists behind those ashen brown/grey eyes. i also caught her staring at trees across the street, or grabbing her pacifier and shoving it back in her mouth, or reaching for a toy. purposeful or accidental? who knows. but it's definitely exciting.

now, kaya's in a bit of a meltdown phase...crying most of dinner (i did 10 laps around the block)...as she moves into her 7th week, i start to feel a glimmer of hope that her sleep schedule might straighten out, but i know i'm fooling myself as reality means a few more months of infant no-Doz. we'll see...pray for us, and our sleep.

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Thu, Jul 18, 2002 6:09 PM
it's getting better.

our newborn is becoming a baby. that crying lump is becoming a little girl. her skin is gaining color, her neck is getting stronger, her eyes are opening wide for good long looks at mom, dad and the world. she has preferences, she has moods.

this is getting fun.

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Tue, Jul 16, 2002 6:10 PM
there's highs and there's lows. lowest of the low are the screams - the wide-mouthed, tongue-wagging, chin-trembling scream that starts as a red face, progresses to the mouth, pauses, and then roars. (it's amazing how everyone i meet calls our "newborn screams" so "cute" and "sweet", and tell us how quiet she seems). and then it all breaks, like the sun through the clouds, and she's just serene...sometimes observant, sometimes drooling, but my favorite is just when she's peaceful and sleepy. her moods change like a New Zealand summer day (well, if you were in NZ you'd know what i was talking about) - it's fascinating.

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Sun, Jul 14, 2002 6:10 PM
As I listen to the (sound-machine generated synthetic) breakers roll up on shore, it makes me a bit introspective and i start to reflect on the last 5 weeks of my life. We've just wrapped up a weekend filled with family, friends, parties and, of course, babies. These steamy summer days are a blur of burp cloths, baby bjorns, ducky bath towels and take-stroller-out-of-car, assemble, walk, collapse-stoller, put in car, Repeat.

It ends up leaving you satisfied. It puts a missing verse in the song of life - it's like I was waiting for this humoungous project to come along and knock me off my ass, and now it's here. There's something primitive and grounding about being a parent...the modern world comes to a grinding halt at the boob, the 2-hour late night crying session, the cute baby drool. Technology won't solve your problems...only time, a good swaddle, and persistent walking and soothing. You can't run or hide from parenthood, so you drink it in, and drown in the intense emotions.

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Thu, Jul 11, 2002 6:11 PM
we're moving on up...from the "N" diapers to the famed "1" diaper. unfortunately, kaya seems a bit small for the new ones (thus, all the poop don't stay in da diaper where it belongs), but her lil' buddha makes it hard to close an "N" around her! for some reason, this troubling issue has me up nights. i need a new hobby.

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Sun, Jul 7, 2002 6:11 PM
we left her last night. only for a couple of hours, and she was in the excellent care of my mom and Sy, but it was still a big event leaving our child at home while chona and i went out with friends. i expected to fret and worry about her, but i didn't...i just missed her. despite our ups and downs in feeding and sleeping, being apart from her wasn't fun, and both chona and i found that we're more attached to kaya than either of us had appreciated.

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Sat, Jul 6, 2002 6:11 PM
signs of a personality:

- kaya 'talked' yesterday...sitting on my lap, she let out a 'oooooo'...twice!
- kaya can now follow shapes and sounds across the room!

these may seem like tiny steps, but they're the first signs of feedback that there's a personality lurking in this girl.

on a far more significant note, she now weighs more than zed...so he better watch his step.

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Mon, Jul 1, 2002 6:12 PM
been a couple days since our last post, and, well, i'm resigning myself to the fact that my life's schedule has been all but destroyed. used to run in the mornings...now that's cover for chona time while she gets 20 minutes of relief...lunch times are now food delivery time back to chona, who's pinned at home...dinners are takeout, and sleep is whenever kaya sleeps. we held out a myth that we'd be able to watch movies and TV shows, but no...our child, who can barely see, has an uncanny sixth sense that knows when you're not devoting 100% attention to her.

basically, it's a wild emotional ride...about 30% of the time, she looks like an angel, a beautiful girl absorbing this new world, and you want to squeeze her so hard...about 40% of the time, she's just asleep, making all sorts of funny noises...and then there's the unhappy time...we've decoded her cries into the following:

1. the "i gotta poop" cry (rolled tongue, extremely red tomato face, trembling lower lip, excessive volume, instant relief with loud gas explosion)
2. the "pay attention to me" cry (more of a whimper, fades in / fades out, general unhappiness)
3. the "stop overstimulating me" cry (monotonous moan, regardless of soothing action)

there's many more, but those are the most popular.

more pix to come tonight! stay tuned!

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