Back To School!

August 2002

  • Sat, Aug 24, 2002 6:00 PM

    <big><b>Doug Attempts Kid's Writing</b></big>

    <b>Itchy Butt</b>

    I've got an itchy butt,
    but itching butts ain't cool.
    'Cause I knew a guy with an itchy butt
    and he was a bit of a fool.

    See he had an itchy butt in class
    Didn't want folks to see his ass
    So he rubbed up against the glass
    on the window facing my science class

    The teacher was teaching about the loon
    when all the students saw the moon
    Funnier than any cartoon
    We laughed from March til early June

    So if you've got an itchy butt
    know that itchy butts ain't cool
    And if you really wanna itch that butt
    Just don't do it in school.

    <b>I Passed Some Gas</b>

    Sorry.
    I passed some gas.
    I'll take the blame.
    Unless it's really stinky.

    My gas isn't stinky.
    It's smelly, and foul and gross.
    But stinky gas, no, alas,
    that would be the dog.

    <b>Have You Seen My Widget?</b>

    Have you seen my widget
    It's about yeah long
    I carry it in my pocket
    Well, except when it escapes.

    <b>My Nose</b>

    I'm told I've got a rather large nose
    Almost as large as a garden hose
    In each hole I could put two toes
    And stand back when this nose blows

    Oh, with this nose I can smell a rose
    From very far away, if I chose
    With my nose in the air - that's my pose
    That is how my story goes.

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  • Fri, Aug 23, 2002 6:03 PM

    what greater pleasure is there than to watch your child sleep.

    it's 12:30AM, and the full moon shines into kaya's crib. i can barely make out the lines of her eyelids, head tilted slightly left, all swaddled up as Cho left her just a couple hours before. i've been doing this lately - sneaking into her room, ostensibly to check on her, but really just to watch. her tiny breaths, shallow and fast, are barely audible above the noise machine. i wonder what she's dreaming of - shapes, colors or just a big, never-ending supply of boobs. it's the ultimate form of relaxation, staring at that face. it's as if you're staring at yourself, looking through some time warp to see yourself, young, vulnerable and full of potential. i think of Harry Potter's Mirror of Erised, a famed magic item that allowed you to see what you truly desired. it's kaya.

    and to think i get to spend years and years with this girl. to think of all we'll have together. what a gift.

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  • Thu, Aug 22, 2002 6:06 PM

    these are days, to remember.

    pain - in the form of 4 shots into kaya's expanding thighs, and suddenly i know what a real cry of pain sounds like. that beautiful, innocent, zen-like face, staring intently at her mom and dad. realizations that life is good....really good...when you're surrounded by family, you've got a beautiful daughter, and you basically have everything you could want. understanding that the days of bars and bands are fading into memory, but a feeling of never having been so fulfilled. wondering about the future...flashes of homework and weekend trips and waterballoons and sleepovers.

    these are days, to remember.

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  • Mon, Aug 19, 2002 6:06 PM

    a rough weekend.

    if you were to believe the hype, you'd think that we were on the upswing from the tougher parts of baby-hood...as recently as this afternoon, a random woman approached us at the mall and said "within three weeks, it'll be like you have a new daughter! crying - gone!" and yet i feel as if this magic day is not only not arriving, but it remains frustratingly out of reach.

    learned a number of things this weekend, including a new-found respect for the days my wife handles Kaya while i'm at work. i had her for 1.5 hours for my second "daddy and me" class, of which she cried for about 45 minutes. the harder part, however, was on the 20 minute car ride after class, when Kaya screamed so loudly and painfully while i sat helpless in the driver's seat. i don't deal well with those screams...chona has been around them enough that she's resigned herself to knowing that a fed and poop-free baby sometimes just cries. this is a lesson i need to learn as well.

    so, "daddy and me" class...imagine 8 men, sitting on the floor with screaming kids, discussing the fact that no one's getting any booty from their wife. surprise! i'm more fascinated by the idea that these guys actually thought they might be gettin' some. the class is like an AA meeting with kids, alternately sad and just dripping with the bewilderment of these men who wonder what the hell just happened to their lives, their relationships, and, of course, their sex.

    still, there's one thing i don't tire of - my daughter. her face, her eyelashes, her fingers and toes...can break a man. she can scream all day, and then fall asleep and all is forgiven.

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  • Sun, Aug 11, 2002 6:07 PM

    things are changing before my very eyes.

    my girl's getting older. little milestones - a head turn here, a 5-minute stretch of eyes following my around the room, a 4.5 hour sleep - are starting to pile up, and i start thinking of how far we've come in a mere 2 months. i think back already to the days of newborn diapers and umbilical cord stumps and milk coming in...how things have changed, not just with her but with us. we've settled into a rhythm, we've become a threesome...not a twosome with an interloper. we're done with a newborn...we've got a baby, an honest-to-goodness diaper-size #2, spittin-up, swing-loving, boob-sucking, cooing baby.

    had a serene saturday with some friends and their baby...seems the best activity for 3-person families is picnics, and we did it up right at Will Rodgers. the girls loved being outside, we get to hang out and eat...everyone's happy.

    on Friday night, Benji took one long look at his cousin Kaya, pointed his finger and said "Happy! Happy!". benji's right...we're happy, happy.

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  • Sat, Aug 3, 2002 6:41 PM

    this morning i went to a 'daddy and me' class. wow, how my life has changed.

    not so long ago, saturdays were meant for recovering from friday night revelrie. but this morning, i found myself surrounded by 7 other guys with 7 other newborns, all centered around a psychologist who was going to help us discuss our new daddyhood and it's impact on our lives. each guy went around, discussing his kid, his sleep schedule, his work, his concerns, and simultaneously bottle-feeding, diapering or soothing.

    i'll bring more color to it soon, but for now, i'm still in shock.

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  • Sat, Aug 3, 2002 6:07 PM

    this morning i went to a 'daddy and me' class. wow, how my life has changed.

    not so long ago, saturdays were meant for recovering from friday night revelrie. but this morning, i found myself surrounded by 7 other guys with 7 other newborns, all centered around a psychologist who was going to help us discuss our new daddyhood and it's impact on our lives. each guy went around, discussing his kid, his sleep schedule, his work, his concerns, and simultaneously bottle-feeding, diapering or soothing.

    i'll bring more color to it soon, but for now, i'm still in shock.

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