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Fri, May 7, 2004 12:31 PM
kaya peed in the potty!!!!

we're not allowed to shoot off fireworks and issue a press release, as we've been told by "numerous articles" that it freaks kids out, but since she can't read yet i suppose i can crow to y'all that our little schmucklepants sat down on the toilet and peed like a real little girl yesterday. it was exxxxxxtreemly cute.

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Mon, May 3, 2004 12:46 AM
as i write this, i'm on iTunes grabbing some horribly cheesy 80's songs (specifically The Psychdelic Furs' "Heaven"), and i suddenly find myself opening the rusted, creaky door back into my own teenage years, childhood, etc., and suddenly the distance seems so great, and so far. the last time i did this, maybe 3-4 years ago, it seemed like a fun way to reminisce, but now it's terrifying, as i suddenly struggle to recall half-forgotten memories and i feel the context, the texture of those years so far away in the dark recesses of my mental attic...each time i head back there i find it harder to locate things, and, perhaps more importantly, i lose the ability to reconnect to the emotions of those years.

what does all this have to do with kaya? well, not too much - except that it blows my whole theory of using my childhood experience to come at kaya as a friend, and compatriot, rather than a generation above. if i can't remember and easily fall back into my own teens, how can i be intimate friends with my daughter and not sound like a complete dolt? i spent most of this weekend talking about real estate prices and the fortcoming interest rate increase, and there's only so long that i can kid myself and pretend that i can still relate to a 12-year-old. it's as if a part of me has died.

and yes, i know...that i'm not supposed to be my kid's friend...i'm supposed to be her parent. for some reason, that just kinda bums me out, most likely because it makes me feel, well, old.

ok, so if all of the above sounds awfully morbid, let me tell you about the joys of being 33 and spending a weekend away from your child. chona and i slept in until 10AM, had a leisurely dinner and a movie, and then we came home to you, my little k, because we missed you so very much.

i've fallen into one of my emotional states again, and i think i'm starting to creep you out with my watery-eyed stares as you're simply trying to eat breakfast or watch The Wiggles. i find myself treasuring the photos i have of you more than ever, and despite the fact that you're developing a very 2-year-old attitude, i keep asking for hugs and kisses. you fascinate me completely, and when i can put away the constant worrying about you, i find that i get consumed by your goodness and your bubbling personality.

recent tricks include:

- a pretty much limitless vocabulary (which results in incriminating comments like "cookie" when Mom asks you what Dad gave you for lunch)

- absolutely off-the-hook crib and bed bouncing

- a stunning memory, unlike daddy

- kissing mommy's belly with the baby inside

- arranging stuffed animals in the crib and then jumping on top of them...

- screaming "share!" whenever someone else has anything she wants...

- lots of running, screaming, upside-downing

- a never-ending obsession with the wiggles

anyway, don't mind my complaining. i really dig my daughter and i especially cherish the meaning she's brought to my life.

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